I solemnly swear that I am up to no good...

Dear Journal,

I haven't updated since christmas. I've decided to open a new journal under the name of 'Beth_The_Broken' where I've joined various different communities. But I'll be updating this one every week. 

I'm still writing, my fan fictions are under construction and I'll be posting them in my writers journal when I'm satisfied. 

:)

Dear Journal,

I managed to pull a sucsessful all-nighter! About 5pm, I fell asleep, but Chloe woke me up. But I was so shattered out of my head I fell asleep at 8pm. I am NEVER pulling another without massive amounts of caffine and sugar. I only had a bottle of coke to help me make it through.

So, here I am at half-five in the morning, pulling an all-nighter. Why, you ask? I have no fucking idea. Chloe is sleeping over and she gave up about ten minutes ago. I think I can make it untill morning. I have teh internet!

New year was alright, I guess. Me and Chloe had a laugh. Luke called and he was pissed, which was also rather funny. I wonder what 2008 has in store for me? 2007 brought me love, therapy and nothing but shit. Lets hope this year is a lot better.

Dear Journal,

I haven't had a bad Chritsmas. I got a new laptop (*spazzes out*) and I'm getting a pair of My Chemical Romance shoes tomorrow. My Emets is bad at the moment. I cut the other day and I'm having trouble hiding the scars from my parents, because I promised them I wouldn't do it anymore.

I'm posting this with Chloe sat at the end of my bed. She got a laptop too (what a coincidence!) and she's too busy on MySpace to care about what I'm typing. I'm going to post later because I don't want her to read what I want to put. I seriously need to vent.

Untill later...

Dear Luke,

It's really strange. I was with you a lot today, we have spend most of the evening on MSN and talking on the phone. Yet I miss you. I hope you DO come into school tomorrow. Music and Science just aren't fun without you. I hope you get better soon, you n00b!

Love,
Beth XoXoXoX

Dear Journal,

Biggest problems and worries at the present time:

1. Emetophobia
2. OCD
3. Cutting
4. GCSE Exams
5. Mixed feelings about Dan. 
6. Attendance at school is dropping rapidly because of problem #1
7. A friend has feelings for me and he has a girlfriend.

Who the fuck said being a kid was 'the best years of your whole life'? They must have been on crack or just plain bonkers.

 Dear Journal,

Been a while since I last updated. Nothing has really happened recently, unless you count my parents dragging me to the doctors about my cutting. I have another therapy session on monday and I think we might be putting up our Christmas decorations then too. Which reminds me, I must remember to ask Chloe when she's writing out her list. I'm not battling the Christmas crowds in town alone...no fucking way...

PS: RIP Casey Calvert. 
Hawthorne Heights will never rock without you.

Severus Snape from the Harry Potter series. We have pretty much the same attitude towards life and we're both bullied by our peers. Yeah, me and Severus are like twins, only he isn't real. I'm ever so slightly more cheerful than he is though.

MCR - Teenagers.

Me and Chloe totally tear the place up with that song!
 

Dear Journal,

Wow. 

I'm fifteen in less than an hour.

 Dear Journal,

My very first therapy session is tomorrow and I'm pretty damn worried about it. I hate talking about my Emetophobia and I have to sit with someone for 45 minutes and do exactly that. 

Dear Journal,

Can't say I've had a bad Halloween. Great haul this year! I love the guy who invented Milkybar Buttons! I got three packets of the things tonight, and may I say, they are fucking delicious!

And I'm officially in Dan's Music group! I have a lesson with him tomorrow and I can't wait.

Only another five days untill my first therapy session. And only NINE days untill my fifteenth birthday!

 

Me and Chloe are taking my sister and her cousin out trick or treating. Nothing really special, but I'll spend the rest of my evening reading ghost stories and watching the reruns of 'Most Haunted'.

Dear Journal,

I've been cutting worse than ever. My left arm is bleeding and covered in scars. I hope my parents don't find out, because they'd kill me. I thnk it's time to get the armwarmers out again.

I'm slightly pproud of myself at the moment. I've just trapped a HUGE moth underneath my dog's basket. He he. Now I can get on with my damned coursework in peace!

Dear Journal,

I have such bad earache right now. 

I'm terrified it'll make me v* or something.

Dear Journal,

I got hugged by a random boy that I've never seen before today.

It felt relly nice.

Sing with me!

Moon chavs
Chavs on the moon
In a burberry spaceship
Chavs on the moon

Wouldn't the world be much better today
If all chavs were miles and miles away
where there's far more craters than wankers and thugs
Nothing but each other and wankers to mug

Moon chavs
Chavs on the moon
In a burberry spaceship
Chavs on the moon

SING ALONG...

Moon chavs
Chavs on the moon
In a burberry spaceship
Chavs on the moon

What would they do there? Nobody knows.
But who'd care anyway if every chav goes
To where there's no KFC, no McD's, no high street
Nothing but moon cheese and clangers to eat.

Moon chavs
Chavs on the moon
In a burberry spaceship
Chavs on the moon

Just the boys...

Moon chavs
Chavs on the moon
In a burberry spaceship
Chavs on the moon

Just the girls...

Moon chavs
Chavs on the moon
In a burberry spaceship
Chavs on the moon

Just the chavs...?

...
...

Moon chavs
Chavs on the moon
In a burberry spaceship
Chavs on the moon!

Chavs suck! I want them all to die! 

 A Section Of Quotes Dedicated To The Funniest Man I Know - My Dannykins!

Random Guy: "It's raining."
Dan: "Men! Hallaujah, it's raining...alright, I'll stop now."

Random Guy: "There's a fly in the room."
Dan: "Are you sure you aren't just looking in a mirror?"

"Yay! That was officially the most times I've said the word 'Arse' in one sentence!"

""Take that coat off before I stuff it down your throat!"

"You want to know if I've talked to your Media Studies teacher yet and the answer is no. You also want to know if you can sit in my room this afternoon because the Media group have gone out to the collage and you've forgotten your letter and the answer is YES!"

"I really shouldn't shout at the first years like that. Most of them don't know how to take me!"

*When he heard me and Sarah giggling behind him*
"Okay, I'm starting to get really paranoid now..."

*When I was playing with my phone by the canteen*
"Hi Beth. I love your big, nice, shiny camera phone..."
*Then he walked away, looking VERY paranoid*

"Wouldn't it be funny if I was the composer AND the musical director?"
*He is so smexy when he's sarcastic!*

*Be quiet you IRRITATING people!"

Jackie: "It [the hood of my coat] looks like hair!"
Dan: [Baffled] "Charlie's lost his hair?!"

Random Girl:  [To boy] "You aren't even in top set for Maths yet!"
Dan: "Yeah? Well, you aren't even born yet! In fact, you aren't even in the WOMB yet! You haven't even been conceived yet! Actually, you're parents haven't even MET yet!" (Seriously, this cracked me up so much I almost cried)

*Giggling*
"I've just figured out that sex can go under three catogories: Health, Safety and...Enjoyment and Achievement! God, I am SUCH child!"

"Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to cuddle up under your 
blanket and have your mum make it all better?"

"I'm having one of those days where I just want to crawl under my desk and cry with a large bottle of whiskey!"

"Cake is more important than life itself!"

"Thank you, Beth! I like you!"


Dan: "If you don't shut up I'm going to strike you on the head with a..."
Me: "A drumstick?"
Dan: "No, I need something harder. I know! A metal rod!"

Dan: "So how did the Science exam go?"
Me: "Well, I thought it was a bit hard but overall-"
Dan: "If you'd revised more, maybe you wouldn't have found it so hard!"
*Proceeded to back me against the wall and start punching me playfully in the shoulders, which almost melted me and made Sarah and Karima piss themselves* 

*Holding my hand so he could read what I'd wrote on the back of it*
"'I love...weird blob thing'? Beth, you've gone all red!"

*When he found a roll of black paper on the floor*
"Here you go, Beth! A nice present because your attendance has improved!"
*Yes, I still have this paper in my wardrobe!*

*After trying to put a DVD into a CD writer*
"AAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!"

He is so CUTE! 

ONE DAY HE WILL BE MINE!

Favorite: 

Mika! His songs make me happy and remind me of somebody really special. I think he has a really unique voice and is mega talented. Rawk on, Mika!

Least Favorite:

Vanessa Hudgens! She is so...GAH!
 

 Dearest Dan,

I'm falling for you more and more as time passes. Do you remember the other week when we were messing around in the music room and you pushed my hair out of my face? I felt electricity the second you touched my face. I just wish I could tell you how much you mean to me.

I even risked my relationship with Chloe the other day because of how I feel about you. She called you something I'm not going to repeat and I stopped speaking to her for hours. I only made it up with her when she took it back and admitted she was wrong. I can't bear it when she says such mean things about you. I guess they aren't that bad (and most of the time they aren't actually about you), but sometimes I just can't stand hearing the truth. I hate the fact she keeps saying that we will never be together.

She has no idea what it feels like to be so deeply in love. Chloe acts like such an airhead, pretending she knows everything and that she is above me and that her feelings are bigger than mine. I get so pissed off with her sometimes.

With Undying Love,
Beth XOXOXOX